BREAKING NEWS: Vegans are Dying from a Lack of Protein: Require More Meat(y Vegan)

This made me laugh so hard I nearly dropped my cup of tea with ‘zombie vegan’ milk! Finally something I can shove in the face of the ‘protein experts’!

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[Duncan, OK] It is a commonly known fact that vegans struggle to get enough protein to survive. Across the country, humans living on plant-based diets are dying from a lack of these large biological modules that can only be acquired by consuming meat [1].

“Since the first vegan showed up to a cro magnon BBQ with only hummus, his weakness in the evolutionary chain was clearly defined and he has continued to slowly edge toward extinction,” stated Robert Stevenson, of the Animal Protein Institution (API) in Duncan, Oklahoma, a suburb of Tulsa. “… most likely from a lack of animal protein [2].”

One of the signs of a protein deficiency is constant craving [3], which could explain why vegans are always grazing or meeting up at potlucks. It is as if they are in a constant state of starvation. Unlike their omnivore counterpart, who only require three meals per day:…

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6 Responses to BREAKING NEWS: Vegans are Dying from a Lack of Protein: Require More Meat(y Vegan)

  1. Thanks for sharing this – well-written and funny to boot!

  2. What a great post (a perfect title too!). Thanks for sharing this Poppy!! Celeste 🙂

  3. artscottnet says:

    Very funny 😛 Made me smile, worthy of a follow, thank you! Have a great weekend

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